Slow Down in the Bedroom for Optimum Performance

August 25th, 2014

Lots of men rush into sex. But the problem with this is that it often takes a woman longer to get heated up. In this sense men are like microwaves, hot in seconds, where women are like toasters, it takes a little longer to warm things up. What’s more, as a man ages, it may take his equipment longer to get where it needs to be, and the refractory time or the time it takes from orgasm to be able to produce another erection is extended as time goes on. These aren’t problems necessarily. It means instead that you need to switch up your repertoire in order to deal with the situation at hand. Experts say that men and women can have satisfying sex up into the golden years of life. Here are some techniques to help you to slow things down in the bedroom and ensure optimum performance. One of the advantages of opting for a slower pace is that you will elongate the experience, and increase your chances of giving your partner an orgasm. Joel Block, Ph.D. a licensed sex therapist says, “Research suggests that, on average, men orgasm through intercourse in about 2 minutes of active thrusting.” The average is 14 minutes for women. Says Block, “There’s a 12-minute problem!” Slowing things down, incorporating other forms of stimulation such as oral and digital, and giving extended foreplay before penetration can equal out this discrepancy. What’s more, some use a technique called edging, holding off on your own orgasm by pausing just before ejaculation, can make your orgasm stronger and make you last longer.


Intimacy is created and deepened by slow, meaningful sex. That doesn’t mean a quickie can’t be satisfying now and then. But a long, meaningful period of time to revel in her will not only get and keep you both satisfied, you are sending a certain message to her through your actions. “It’s more suggestive of giving her time and allowing her to enjoy the pleasure,” says Block. Kiss her all over. Use a little dirty talk. Tell her how you want to shower her with affection and pleasure. What’s more, for a man of a certain age where it takes a little while to get things going, instead of wallowing in self-pity for how things used to be, revel in the act, focus on your partner and her pleasure and give her the time of her life. Nothing boosts a man’s ego like a satisfied and happy woman. Furthermore, this slowing things down and saving sex not only will give a more pleasurable experience and make you a better lover, you will be turning a situation from a negative, slower operating equipment, to a positive, putting the focus on her and on weaving a sublime experience together. This can also help decrease performance anxiety. Lastly, try Kegels. These exercises can strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, allowing you to stave off orgasm and making the experience for both lovers more pleasurable.

Stress is a Serious Health Hazard

August 25th, 2014

A certain amount of stress is necessary. It motivates us, keeps us active and engaged and helps us grow by learning to be flexible, resilient and in developing our problem-solving skills. Medical scientists and evolutionary biologists believe that a certain amount of stress is expected and the body is able to manage it. It’s long-term, chronic stress that is a serious health hazard, and that’s the kind the modern world places upon us. A recent NPR poll conducted in conjunction with the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation states that 25% of Americans experienced a lot of stress in the last month. 50% of Americans, about 115 million adults had a major stressful event within the past year. Psychologist Eldar Shafir of Princeton University told NPR, “Everything I know suggests that this is a pretty massive underestimate.” The reason is the poll only measures the stress that people experiencing it are aware of. There is also “hidden” stress which we experience subconsciously. This has to do with cognitive capacity, the amount of input the human brain can handle and juggle at the same time. Shafir says, “We have very limited bandwidth. There’s only so much you can attend to at any one time.”


When we are trying to deal with multiple situations at once Shafir explains, “It’s like driving on a stormy night. You’re focused completely on the thing that’s capturing your attention right now, and other things get neglected.” Chronic stress then can start to chip away at one’s financial well-being, relationships and health. Executive director of the Harvard Opinion Research Program at the Harvard School of Public Health Robert Blendon who conducted this poll says, “These are not just the people who say they have some stress day to day. These are the share of Americans for whom it really makes a big difference. It affects their ability to sleep and to concentrate. It leads them to have more arguments with family members. It affects their health.” The problem is many Americans don’t know how to properly cope with stress. Says Shafir, “The notions of self-reliance, self-sufficiency, which are so strong in the American culture, sort of lead you to say that if you have problems you should take yourself by the bootstraps and start working on it.” Some of the best ways to manage stress are to ask for help. Talk to friends and family. Set aside a little time to relax each day, even if it’s only 25 or 30 minutes. Yoga, meditation, counseling, exercise, playing an instrument, taking up a relaxing hobby such as woodworking or model building, reading, and listening to music are just some ways to alleviate stress.

Deciphering Common Penis Pains

August 25th, 2014

The male reproductive organs are amazingly complex. That complexity of course means that a lot of things can happen. There are lots of different kinds of pains that can occur down below. There are guys that freak out about every little thing and keep going to the doctor’s office. Most though avoid going in and ignore the problem. But how do you know when a pain is serious and when it isn’t? Here are some ways you can decipher common penis pains and other problems.  Do you have a sharp pain or a burning sensation at the tip of your penis? If it happened while showering, a little soap or shampoo getting into the tip might be the issue. Usually you feel it the moment it occurs. But sometimes you only notice it when you begin to urinate. However, if this pain fails to subside in a couple of days, make an appointment with your doctor. You could have a sexually transmitted infection (STI). A white or greenish discharge means it’s even more likely you have an infection. If you have a pain in the lower stomach or back in the days just before this penis pain, you may have kidney stones. This is another serious condition. Make sure to see your physician. Give it a couple of days. If the pain in the tip doesn’t subside see your doctor.


Do you experience scrotal pain under certain conditions? Some guys experience a dull ache in the scrotum after moving heavy items or lifting weights. It can happen if you’ve had to stand for quite a while as well. Usually it goes away on its own after a while. Enlarged veins within the scrotum causes blood to collect in that one area, warming up the testicles and causing pain. Urology chair at Memorial Medical Center in Springfield, Illinois Tobias Köhler, M.D. says “A lot of guys describe this as having blue worms in their sack.” Though this is not a medical emergency, you should see your doctor as this condition could affect testosterone and sperm production. Have you ever had an erection that is terribly painful and won’t go away? An erection lasting more than four hours is called priapism. This is where blood cannot escape the penis. When the blood becomes deoxygenated pain comes in. This condition can occur when erectile dysfunction (ED) drugs such as Viagra are mixed with recreational narcotics such as cocaine or ecstasy. It also occurs when ED drugs are injected directly into the penis. Go see a doctor or go to the hospital. A prolonged erection can cause damage to the penis. Have you ever felt an intense, shooting pain in your testicles, followed by vomiting or nausea? You have a twisted testicle inside your scrotum. It isn’t getting oxygen. Go to the E.R. If it isn’t handled right away, you could lose it. Lastly, a dull pain at the base of the penis where the penis meets the testicles is likely epididymitis. That’s an infection of the epididymis. See your doctor if you have this. Usually it’s a pain that keeps getting worse.

How Exercise Helps Us Tolerate Pain

August 20th, 2014


Regular exercise may alter how a person experiences pain, according to a new study. The longer we continue to work out, the new findings suggest, the greater our tolerance for discomfort can grow.

For some time, scientists have known that strenuous exercise briefly and acutely dulls pain. As muscles begin to ache during a prolonged workout, scientists have found, the body typically releases natural opiates, such as endorphins, and other substances that can slightly dampen the discomfort. This effect, which scientists refer to as exercise-induced hypoalgesia, usually begins during the workout and lingers for perhaps 20 or 30 minutes afterward.

But whether exercise alters the body’s response to pain over the long term and, more pressing for most of us, whether such changes will develop if people engage in moderate, less draining workouts, have been unclear.

So for the new study, which was published this month in Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, researchers at the University of New South Wales and Neuroscience Research Australia, both in Sydney, recruited 12 young and healthy but inactive adults who expressed interest in exercising, and another 12 who were similar in age and activity levels but preferred not to exercise. They then brought all of them into the lab to determine how they reacted to pain.

Pain response is highly individual and depends on our pain threshold, which is the point at which we start to feel pain, and pain tolerance, or the amount of time that we can withstand the aching, before we cease doing whatever is causing it.

In the new study, the scientists measured pain thresholds by using a probe that, applied to a person’s arm, exerts increasing pressure against the skin. The volunteers were told to say “stop” when that pressure segued from being unpleasant to painful, breaching their pain threshold.

The researchers determined pain tolerance more elaborately, by strapping a blood pressure cuff to volunteers’ upper arms and progressively tightening it as the volunteers tightly gripped and squeezed a special testing device in their fists. This activity is not fun, as anyone who has worn a blood pressure cuff can imagine, but the volunteers were encouraged to continue squeezing the device for as long as possible, a period of time representing their baseline pain tolerance.

Then the volunteers who had said that they would like to begin exercising did so, undertaking a program of moderate stationary bicycling for 30 minutes, three times a week, for six weeks. In the process, the volunteers became more fit, with their aerobic capacity and cycling workloads increasing each week, although some improved more than others.

The other volunteers continued with their lives as they had before the study began.

After six weeks, all of the volunteers returned to the lab, and their pain thresholds and pain tolerances were retested. Unsurprisingly, the volunteers in the control group showed no changes in their responses to pain.

But the volunteers in the exercise group displayed substantially greater ability to withstand pain. Their pain thresholds had not changed; they began to feel pain at the same point they had before. But their tolerance had risen. They continued with the unpleasant gripping activity much longer than before. Those volunteers whose fitness had increased the most also showed the greatest increase in pain tolerance.

“To me,” said Matthew Jones, a researcher at the University of New South Wales who led the study, the results “suggest that the participants who exercised had become more stoical and perhaps did not find the pain as threatening after exercise training, even though it still hurt as much,” an idea that fits with entrenched, anecdotal beliefs about the physical fortitude of athletes.

Because it did not examine physiological effects apart from pain response, however, the study cannot explain just how exercise alters our experience of pain, although it contains hints. Pain thresholds and tolerances were tested using people’s arms, Mr. Jones pointed out, while the exercisers trained primarily their legs. Because the changes in pain response were evident in the exercisers’ upper bodies, the findings intimate that “something occurring in the brain was probably responsible for the change” in pain thresholds, Mr. Jones said.

The study’s implications are considerable, Mr. Jones says. Most obviously, he said, the results remind us that the longer we stick with an exercise program, the less physically discomfiting it will feel, even if we increase our efforts, as did the cyclists here. The brain begins to accept that we are tougher than it had thought, and it allows us to continue longer although the pain itself has not lessened.

The study also could be meaningful for people struggling with chronic pain, Mr. Jones said. Although anyone in this situation should consult a doctor before starting to exercise, he said, the experiment suggests that moderate amounts of exercise can change people’s perception of their pain and help them, he said “to be able to better perform activities of daily living.”physed_pain-tmagArticle

Sex Myths Debunked

August 18th, 2014

Most people by a certain age feel like they know everything about sex. But there are a lot of myths out there too that seem to persist even when someone is older. See how much bedroom knowledge you possess. Here are common sex myths debunked. Most men think that sex is more pleasurable when one is young. Though it may be more rigorous when you are a young buck, middle-aged and even older men report having far more physically and emotionally fulfilling sex lives. Melanie Davis, PhD, CSE a sexuality education consultant says, “There’s less emphasis on quick orgasms and more focus on sensuality, creativity, and emotional connection.” Lots of guys think condoms are no fun. But actually, they can help make it a more pleasurable experience for both parties. 68% of guys use the wrong condom size and shape according to a survey conducted by When they tried on a variety of condoms and found the one that was right for them, their sexual pleasure increased significantly. Some guys think the route to a woman’s orgasm is through intercourse. But 75% of women don’t climax this way. Generally, direct clitoral stimulation is needed to make her have the big O. Davis says, “If couples want to climax simultaneously during intercourse, the best bet is for one of them to use their fingers or a vibrator to bring some joy to the clitoris.”

Some believe that women are naturally monogamous, while men are not. But Deboarah Anapol, Ph.D a relationship coach says, “Women are heavily socialized to restrict their sexual attraction to one guy at a time, but women’s biology and personality are both well-suited to multiple partners—more so than men’s.” Others believe that men naturally have a stronger libido than women. Anapol says, “Women can become disinterested as a result of childhood abuse, unaddressed relationship issues, or demands of children and work, but a sexually satisfied woman is a happy, loving woman.” Many men think that they have to have an orgasm to enjoy sex. However, it is possible to orgasm without ejaculation. Tantric sex practices can teach you this. What’s more, many men prefer to orgasm without ejaculation. If your partner puts too much pressure on having you ejaculate, and you don’t feel the need, sit them down and talk with them about it. Tell them how you feel and why you feel that way. Lots of guys think an erection is necessary to enjoy sexual pleasure. But it may not have to be. There are lots of forms of play, and indeed foreplay that get her engine running before intercourse. Still, if you are having erectile issues be sure to see a physician or specialist as it may be a sign of a deeper issue. Lastly, most guys think the bigger their unit, the better. But it’s really not the case. “Compatibility of size is the real barometer,” says Anapol. “A big penis and a small vagina are not a happy combination. Further, knowing how to use the penis skillfully is more important than size.”